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Society would have you believe that killing yourself is easy, a walk in the proverbial park. But I can personally tell you that killing yourself is not a simple task, that taking your own life would usually take considerable amounts of meticulous planning. However by using this simple 3 step guide you, and your friends, can take your own lives quickly and in the manner that you want.

Step 1. Questions.

Before continuing further its recommended that you pose to yourself the following questions, just to make sure.

1. Do you really want to die?
Obvious way to begin really, but contains the basic surmise of it all, as if you don’t want to kill yourself, continuing reading would most like come to that conclusion.

2. Why do you want to die?
Try and have a decent reason – it makes the constructing of the suicide note considerably easier, and makes you seem less pathetic to your loved ones and associates. Some of the more generally accepted reasons are that of:

Mental retardation
Shaunmorris Syndrome (Horrific)
Attention seeking (Extremely common)

Choose your reason carefully; having multiple reasons is frowned upon in most societies. You’ve already got enough problems – let’s not burden everyone else.

After answering these two questions, and confirming your need to kill yourself, we can move onto step 2. The planning phase.

Step 2. Planning.

There is several parts to the planning, This involves the method in which you want to die, some tips on making a good suicide note, and how to set up the whole process.

Lets begin with the method. Remember, the more dramatic your death, the more likely you are to get news coverage, a memorial to you, and to extremely impress the rest of the depressed, angsty children out there.  A double suicide, you and a friend is guaranteed to get some coverage – a double hanging or murder-suicide pact is recommended for this choice. However, if you have neither friends nor a means of killing your friend there are many other effective ways to destroy yourself.


This covers such techniques as the wrist cutting/hanging/gunshot to the head/ jumping from high distances. All effective and proven methods, with the survival rate of gunshots and jumps found to be quite small.

Wrist cutting – don’t be a pussy, if you’re going to do it, do it right. I would suggest that you drink a bottle of alcohol, lie in a warm bath tub and cut VERY deep DOWN the wrist. That way when the paramedics arrive they will be very impressed by your conviction to get the job done, and be happy that you’re not like all the other depressed teenagers they come across.

Hanging – Hurts.

Gunshot -  extremely effective, though women tend to shoot themselves through the heart, not the head. I would recommend against this as your trying to kill yourself here, and a headshot is the only guaranteed way to end it. However if you are looking for an open coffin, I would suggest the gun in the mouth, with angle away from the top of your head. This would allow for the majority of your brain to survive.

Jumping – Try for at least a good three stories, it harder to kill yourself than you think. I would also suggest jumping onto a free-way or road. This means it is likely that you’ll take some other unsuspecting motorist with you. Hilarious, I assure you.

There are obviously many other ways to kill yourself, and you are only limited by your imagination. However the traditional methods are proven and will work, yet they will receive no notice, just try for something different.

Suicide Notes

Not always necessary, however the more melodramatic amongst us always enjoy leaving some final words to remember us by.  The basic point of this is to make everyone know why you killed yourself, so start by citing why.  Give the name of the person you’re trying to get revenge on, or of any other reason (See Part 1.)  Also, try to avoid any Clichés such as ‘Good Bye Cruel World’ or as such. However  try quoting Shakespeare, it makes people think your literate and smart, as many people are simpletons and do highly regard literacy skills.

Step 3. Suicide

Basically follow through with planning stage, get out there and kill yourself. You’ve chosen the methid, everything – all that’s left to do is do it.

Go on…..

Do it…..


Just Do It…….

Fine, I will then……..

Just a quick how to guide.

sorry about the end, but it as liek, 2 in the morning and i was tired, so fuck off and get off my back =]
Add a Comment:
Starlightron Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm pretty much ready to use this guide
So glad I looked it up thanks man
Narutolovesick Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2009
Well, thats helpful, thanks...
Emocide Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2009
Just doing my part for the community XD
Narutolovesick Featured By Owner May 1, 2009
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November 25, 2007
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