Musings of a Morbid Mind

I will admit that to a certain degree, there is beauty in the world.
The night’s absence of light gives my world a beautiful tinge that at certain point can bring me to tears.
The blackened, sky – the swirling of the stars also brings me to my knee’s.
But what gets me the most is the city lights at night, as though no one existed but the twirling vortex of light before my eyes.

But there’s not nearly enough beauty too keep me here for an extended stay.
I feel as though this life is a holiday gone horribly wrong – an invalid passport keeps me from passing back too home, so as to see the real truth, what I should always be surrounded by.

I see images of a time before, before I was born here.
It was perpetual twilight, with the sky a mixture of stars, darkness and the moon a brilliant shade of purple.
Surrounding me was not physical matter, but complex emotions of love, romance and unending violence that tends to follow the previous two.

If I was too see these feelings as real, as what it was never meant to be, I would imagine a darkened forest, with whispering voices surrounding me, alone – but never alone.
The purple moon light would reflect off the water and all manner of creatures would run and play, but always out of eyesight, and always out of mind.

This is how my world should be, this is what I should be like.
I wouldn’t feel hatred or sorrow, or even happiness.
Love?
Maybe affection, but never to that degree.
I would forever be alone in my world, and would never let anyone else in.

If there was only a way I could do this without death – a drug I could always take, and never care for.
Looks like… looks like there is only one solution.

To leave this place and never return.